


Come Morning Light

by TheGatsbyGirl



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Character Study, First Love, Healing, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, POV Jean Kirstein, Reflection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-28
Updated: 2017-12-28
Packaged: 2019-02-23 01:31:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13179516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGatsbyGirl/pseuds/TheGatsbyGirl
Summary: “Yeah, he’s definitely seen worse. And yeah, he’s somehow still stuck on him.And maybe that’s okay. He’ll move on one day without any regret, and Marco will still be there, because first loves don’t ever really go away. He’ll probably die and humanity will either triumph or fail, but he doesn’t really care anymore because at least he’sfighting.”Jean scolds himself for dwelling on the past, but the past reminds him that it’s alright to feel.





	Come Morning Light

Perhaps it’s foolish to still miss him after all this time.

  
So much has happened, and yet Jean barely remembers it. It’s all a blur of blood and teeth and dirty screams, and somehow that’s so normal now. Deaths still affect him, sure, but they happen so often that it’s hard to spend time mourning.

  
But his dumb ass still manages to think of Marco at the most inconvenient of times.

  
He sees Mikasa and yeah, he still gets flustered because she’s beautiful, but then he takes a closer look at her hair and the color is so similar to Marco’s that he’ll start remembering everything all at once. Marco climbing into his bunk after a nasty nightmare lacing their fingers together, the crease that would form in his brow when he was angry or upset, the way he’d smile and look out at the horizon every time he thought about serving the king, how the light caught his eyes and started a curling warmth in Jean’s chest that he wouldn’t understand until weeks later.

  
Then there’s Jean’s wailings about Mikasa and Marco laughing at him in a way that’s too damn pure for Jean to handle, and him grabbing Jean’s wrist and yanking him behind the trees and mashing their lips together in what by all accounts is a shitty kiss but damned if Jean's heart wasn’t racing.

  
_“I really like you.”_

  
After sleepless nights of practice he’d kiss the freckles on his cheeks and let his tongue dot the one on his neck, then move to his shoulders. By that time Marco was always worked up enough to be pulling his shirt off, and then his chest was exposed and there were more beautiful freckles for Jean to taste, along with little moans and Marco’s hands guiding him where he wanted them most.

  
_“Jean, please.”_

  
Even the way that Jean said his name sticks in his mind. Rocking into Marco as gently as he could muster, pants rolled down to his knees and 3D maneuver gear unbuckled, and he always whispered two syllables into Marco’s shoulder, panting and whining in between.

  
_“Mar…co…”_

  
He never lasted long after that, threading his fingers in beautiful black hair and grasping at any skin he could find. Marco wasn’t far behind, knees shaking around Jean’s waist and lips kissing him like nothing else existed.

  
_“God, Jean, I love you.”_

  
Then of course there are the bad memories; the ones he still can’t escape from even after seeing people getting torn apart. His body was so mangled. Burned, bloody. You could barely see his freckles anymore. Lips pulled back bearing blackened gums, cheeks hollow, so much blood and lost flesh, eyes so dead Jean felt his lungs close up just looking at them.

  
Yeah, he’s definitely seen worse. And yeah, he’s somehow still stuck on him.

  
And maybe that’s okay. He’ll move on one day without any regret, and Marco will still be there, because first loves don’t ever really go away. He’ll probably die and humanity will either triumph or fail, but he doesn’t really care anymore because at least he’s _fighting_.

  
So he lets himself remember, because memories are all that a soldier has. He lets himself smile about the good times as he gets ready for a new day, and he lets himself be lifted by wings of freedom when he presses a fist to his heart.

  
He lets himself say the words he never said enough back then, quiet enough that no one can hear him but the sunrise.

  
And it feels good.

  
_“I love you.”_

**Author's Note:**

> Of all the things I decide to write when I wake up at 5:35 am…  
> The second fic I ever wrote was Jeanmarco. This pairing was a first for me in many ways; it was the first ship from my first anime, my first male/male ship, and the first pairing for which I wrote m/m fic. Coming back to them after almost four years was a really nice experience, even if it was a very spur-of-the-moment thing.  
> Yes, the title is from Safe and Sound, and yes, that song is my Jeanmarco song and it’s a total cliche.  
> Sue me.  
>   
> \-------  
> Thank you for reading this. Comments and kudos water my crops!  
> Yell at me on [tumblr](http://kataruhh.tumblr.com) | [twitter](https://twitter.com/TheGatsbyGirl)


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